I feed from the bottom, you feed from the top
I live upon morsels you happen to drop
And coffee that somehow leaks out of your cup
If nothing comes down then I’m forced to swim up

“Theme From the Bottom” (Phish)

When I shared that 4th floor bohemian midtown Manhattan loft with three writers and a Peace Corps vet, I didn’t mind the basement brothel, but when the European hostel opened up on the 5th floor, things got soggy. Thirty Euro girls giggling one flight up sounded great in theory, but these wankers loved to flood that toilet, and when it rained down on my bed on a work night I had no choice but to tell those backpacking foreigners to pack it up. But those kids had pull. When tourist season kicked up, the landlord turned off our water to force us out and make more room for the more profitable hostel on top.

And that’s the theme from the bottom – the San Diego Padres and the Kansas City Royals both trading their best players, free agent All-Stars, Adrian Gonzalez and Zack Grienke, to the teams on top for a bunch of minor leaguers because their salaries were about to get a lot bigger.

From the bottom, from the top
From the bottom, from the top
From the bottom, from the top
From the bottom, from the top

The Padres and Royals found themselves in a position similar to holding tickets to a Phish show you can physically make, but not without putting your job, grades and closest relationships on the line. You can go, set the alarm for 5:00am to cram for the test, hope your buddy at work remembers your excuse, and hope your girlfriend understands why you missed her Mother’s 60th birthday party, or, you can trade the tickets to your two friends for their Phish New Year’s ticket lottery requests and a bottle of tequila to be named later.

San Diego and Kansas City comfortably chose the latter. Yes, it’s responsible thing to do for those organizations, and it may even work out for them in the long run, but it’s hard to get excited about responsibility. Sometimes you want your team to go for it, the same way you go for that show you have no business being at – even if it means the possibility a one-hour BB King guest appearance and a public urination ticket on the way out.

We have our own lives to responsible with. Step it up San Diego. You too Kansas City. Your Heads need it.