photo: Dean “Kind” Budnick

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With March Madness well upon us, Goose has stepped up its game accordingly. The Connecticut-based squad has tweaked its lineup and attained a final four. This is quite an achievement for Rick, Trevor, Peter and Cotter, given their origins as humble bingo ballers.

All eyes now turn to Coach Jon Lombardi, who undoubtedly will be pursued by other organizations (in a good way). There is a longstanding tradition of coaches whose names end in vowels being enticed by new challenges at this time of year—a practice realized by leaders such as Pitino, Calipari and Calamari (assuming that third name belongs to a coach and is not just the official appetizer of neighboring state Rhode Island). It’s always possible Lombardi will opt for the bigger challenge of an octet, a nonet, a decet or an 11-piece (aka a football team).

Goose also faces the ever-present threat of the transfer portal. The Disco Biscuits loom large here and may well have a competitive advantage because they wrote “Portal to an Empty Head” after all! (And also because they share management, which may be a bit inside baseball but I think we’re all hankering for another sports reference.)

Finally, as this all comes together, there may be some potential complications regarding the NIL Rights of keyboardist Peter Anspach. Rumors are swirling that Anspach may have accidentally received millions of dollars in Name, Image and Likness funds originally intended for Luigi Mario the famed gymnast, tennis player, race car driver, mansion spelunker, hammer deflector, super smasher and epidemiologist. (Yes, that’s really Luigi’s last name).